time to learn to do it by and for myself again. how is it? i did it for a while, right? i can do that without getting up at 5am i hope hehe. i had so much to say before but now that i'm on the mike i'm choking. my week was perfectly normal. i wrote some Automerge stuff, finished up a breakup, slept poorly.

i kind find my glasses right now but that's okay because my eyes are closed.

when i arrived home with the cushion and socks she was already putting her boxes in the taxi, i helped with the last few and we held each other and said goodbye and i forgot to hand over the socks. they have little boars on them. i have a cushion now that says "estrella" on it with a star, someone in the Railway gave it to me. it's pretty dirty and needs a wash, so am i and so do i.

i'm struggling to remember specific events or stories that seem mine to tell. i wanted to say something about teaching each other not to need each other but i don't want to any more.

my app is in a completely broken state because i started rethinking it because i got too excited about the future i started thinking i could build it but i'm not smart enough nor persistent enough to build it.

i'm not going to fall apart, i'm just going to drink a little more tequila and go back to sleep. they gave me a glass on wine in the sock shop. i think the week was strange and busy, wasn't it? i haven't taken any notes. i don't want to see or hea any more flies i've seen and heard enough of them.

it's so empty here and i fucking hate it

i've become extremely unreliable.

i broke things at work, nobody could post the news for 6 minutes.

i tried my best with everything else but i guess it all fell apart.

i took things poorly, but it's okay, everybody knows i should never ever do this.

we had a nice time at the rooftop cinema, nothing went wrong even at the end. the next day dinner at persepolis was nice but it went wrong at the end. on saturday and sunday it wasn't as good, because they went wrong at the start. sunday improved a lot as it went on, but i did spend £180 on tickets to a festival that we never actually made it to. we made it as far as the field outside the festival and then lay down, then went home and went into a k-hole.

i did not enjoy the first part of saturday, but i did enjoy the second part of saturday. i did not enjoy the first part of sunday, but i did enjoy the second part of sunday.

the future is uncertain and concerning and full of fear and heartbreak and some "the first time" that will be bad. maybe there will be good too, but not much stability and i don't think i'll be doing all of this stuff with CRDTs and Signals because that requires some brain power and that is not going to be there in the future.

be kind to yourself and others

Maybe it goes the other way. We use these silly new computer programs to automate reading our documentation for us, checking the grammar and spelling and readability of our emails and our posts. And we make corrections that make it easier for the computer program to understand what we mean. Not making them better for people, but for the computer program. Gradually people learn to write that way, people learn to read that way (because everything is written that way) and we meet in the middle. Machines indistinguishable from humans not because we made them like us, but because we made us like them.

The week was fine, i did some work. Ran into a few hard problems with the code i'm working on in my precious spare time. i've paused it to build out some of the libraries i'll need to build it well. There's something where Signals and CRDTs allow you to have data that is reactive and consistent across space and time. I'm not quite at the bottom of it yet.

Looked at pictures, things got better. Had to decide if I'm staying here another year, i am. Rent went up but i think it's still the best deal in London. I've been watching a lot of talks about programming. Streams too. And reading tc39 proposals. And specs and whitepapers. Like a teenager.

Hedgehog lost her phone in a hole, i went out in the rain. I'm about to write a generic JavaScript patch library that i hope will work out well.

I keep thinking things are getting better, but maybe i'm wrong.

i hope your week is good and the days are long.

sorry im late.

football didnt come home.

hard week. ikea was fun.

we can make it work.

my laptop is all covered in sand. the trackpad isn't working because it's full of sand. we were lying on the beach on our backs in the dark looking at the cloudy sky red and purple.

took a coach home because we missed the flight. a coach from barcelona to france, france to greenwich. nice trip. recommend it.

saw a great lebanese flick at the garden cinema. Nadine Labaki's Caramel (2007). you should watch it, it's great.

i've been sick for a week now. it seemed to be getting better on friday, but then it got much worse again over the weekend and now i'm so fat throat and cough and lurgy.

i'd better go back to bed. sunise is at 4:53a.m., sunset is 9:16p.m..

bye

hola im in spain

i went to the park and there was aboat and we road in it *rode like it was the kind that you stir with your own whisks, i mean rods, the kind where you drive him with sticks on the water it was a lot of fun she was nervous at the start and nearly didn't want to and get out but then we did and we had a lvoely time in the sun maybe the last hard time in the trip everything has been sick sicne that conversation just before with the gazpacho and the accordion player

now down at the beach it took us barcelona and a lot of train rides and coaches. we had a few spa days, i got sick. she got sick first then i got sick. i'm sick now and on the train and there's the plane tomorrow. it's gonna be a while before i get some rest.

we're in a resturant right now waiting for someone to notice we're here. they eat chips for every meal here. i like the tinto y the tinto de verdana it's yummy and it's nice to be here in spain. i'd like to come back because even though they sometimes stare at me like i'm something they wish theyd not noticed on their shoe there's no agression to it and so i feel safe enough because back home it's not like that it's like the other thing.

i can't wait to make food that i've made and eat and i've eaten so many potatoes a man said "pasta? si we have pasta we have pad thai which is noodles arroz" othwiser this is the worst pizzza i'm ever smelt but at she's laughingand laughing and that's joyey

maybe net time some flamenco, and more barcelona. maybe andelucia, the yorkshire of spain. spain scored another goal against the georgians. i have heartburn.

• sunrise today 6:45a.m.
• sunset today 9:49p.m.

now we're in the calle de los jardines, a smaller room, warmer too. we ate a big meal of potato and fish, and drank a lot of tinto. the tv here has teletext. teletexto, en español. i've gotten back from the 24h farmacia where they sold me paracetamol in large dose.

the week has been very nice. i've written code an hour or so a day when i could catch the time. we've swam and walked around Sol and taken Metro. we were meant to take an electric car through zaragoza, i'd planned the route around the EV chargers between here and there. the goldstar representative tried to upsell us by around 1000 euros, and told us the EV chargers are all broken and you need a spanish ID and a card from the government. i don't like the guy. i tell him we'll just forget it instead and we go by foot, and uber, and foot to the spa apartsuite hotel. it's nice there with a balcony, lots of space and a kitchen.

so we're staying in madrid until the train to zaragoza. we've moved to a little room near puerta del sol which is spanish for charing cross. the days are long and full, zebra's sick now from a travelling bug and so i've brought the painkillers. we've had some wonderful meals. and other meals. i've cooked a few omelettes.

i may never have written as much code before as i've written for this new app. it's working so well now, though everything about it is a bit fucked. i am so excited to get it to a place where i can show it off.

when you meet, it's the outside versions of yourselves that meet. then you've gotta learn how to get the who you are when you're alone to get along. i really love this city, it's pushed itself quickly to one of the higher spots on my favourite cities list.

i could do with a spa day.